This weekend, I disappointed myself and I feel guilty (not to mention sick to my stomach) today because of it. The hours of working out, tracking my calories and macronutrients faithfully...all of that went downhill on Friday night when my boyfriend took me through McDonalds drive thru after midnight. That was the first time all week when I was so hungry that I felt like I deserved to eat whatever I wanted. I had a set of apple dippers with caramel sauce and a mini apple and walnut salad (not to mention the bowl of oats, protein, and peanut butter that I had too). I really wish that had planned better before we headed out the door to the movies. I had eaten dinner at 6pm and when we planned on stopping for something to eat before the three hour movie, the restaurant of our choosing was chosed...seven hours with no food left me ravanous! Im sure you are thinking that the food that I ate wasnt that bad, and you are probably right. But it was so off of my meal plan that I just let myself to the wind after that.
Saturday night there were Christmas cookies, hard cider, cheesey mashed potatoes, black forest cake, and lots of chocolate!! Sunday...Christmas breakfast and dinner...pulled pork, more mashed potatoes, more cookies, more wine! I felt like I was losing control all because of the food around me. Today, I am so sick from the amount of food and the choices that I made. I am not only physically full, but I am full of regret too. I told myself all week that I was not goign to do this, and then it happened...tenfold. I guess I was slightly prepared for the worse, but i hate that FEELING! I HATE IT! It makes me so angry to feel that food has that much control over my life and emotions. I hate feeling tired, bloated, and angry at myself today. I have a headache and I feel hungover.
I guess there is only one thing to do...move forward! Thats the only place to go. Ill try, again, just like always....I hope someday there isnt a try, but an actually success. Today, I am hoping for a great chest and back workout and maybe even some cardio. I feel drained and miserable, but maybe a good lift will turn me around (and some great new tunes from my Ipod). One day there will be an end to this battle of food that I have within myself and I will develop a healthy relationship with the very thing that keeps me alive.This Christmas I gave myself the gift of self respect and freedom from this food addiction that I have ...
Here goes nothin ;)
Monday, December 26, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Getting Back on Track During the Holiday Season...
Lately, I feel like Im letting myself get too far off track and I keep making little excuses to let things slide that I would not normally do...from skipping a workout, to not doing enough cardio, to eating a cookie (or two). All of these excuses are making me feel quite lazy and at times unhappy with myself. This is not something that I normally feel, but rather than sit on the sidelines, I decided that I need to do something about it NOW! Its the start of the Christmas week and I am anticipating holiday gatherings with lots of FOOD, FOOD, and more FOOD (and none of it is going to be healthy)! The gym is also going to be closed on one of my favorite days to workout...SUNDAY...because of the holiday. I don't want to be stressed out about all of the food that is going to be surrounding me and the chances that I am going to have to indulge in all of these high-fat and high-calorie foods. I am going to focus on the beautiful people around me and on how good it feels to give myself the best gift that I can this Christmas, self-respect. I know it is going to take a lot for me not to eat all of these things and to try to get some sort of activity in during the day in the midst of the holiday bustle, but I know that doing healthy things for myself is what this self-respect is all about. Giving myself this present is going to take some planning....and I have already began the necessary steps.
Yesterday I made an absolutely delicious cinnamon swirl protein loaf from a recipe that I found on Bodybuilding.com from Jamie Eason. Here is the recipe:
Speaking of yoga, that was a total suprise this morning! I wanted to get in the groove of doing some activity before I went to the office in the morning...hence actually doing the cardio I am supposed to! Right now I teach two and a half hours of classes at the gym, so I count that as my cardio, even though it is light resistance training. I wanted to incorporate something different into my routine. I thought I was going to a class that involved some kind of weight training at the gym around the corner from my gym, but when I got there I realized that the Centurgy class was really a yoga/pilates class! Rather than booking it out of there, I decided that I mine as well try it while I was there...funny thing is, I LOVED IT! I think that this class is going to really help me center and relieve some of the stress I have been feeling lately about my body and my busy schedule. It is hard for me to keep everything together sometimes when I am working 60-70 hours per week. I cannot wait to take this on Thursday morning before work! As for my other session of cardio, I'm hoping to get a spin class in Friday morning too! All about the planning!
Tonight, Im going to rock Chisel class and Stability Ball and really bring back the enthusiasm that I feel towards fitness. The love that I have for this lifestyle is going to shine through! I can only anticipate all of the good things ahead of me rather than dwell on the negative stresses in my life lately. The alst few weeks, everything seems like a battle...from getting ready for Christmas, working two jobs, training and managing my weight, and just living life in general! Its time for a change! Its time for some positive! This is my last week of carbing up and "bulking" and then its time to start leaning out with a carb cycle next week! Im sure there will be more details to come! Its only Tuesday but this fire needs to be burning all week long! :)
Yesterday I made an absolutely delicious cinnamon swirl protein loaf from a recipe that I found on Bodybuilding.com from Jamie Eason. Here is the recipe:
Ingredients:
- 1/3 cup Ideal (Xylitol)
- 2 tsp cinnamon
- 1 1/2 cups oat flour + 2 scoops vanilla whey protein
- 1 tbsp baking powder
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1/2 cup Ideal (Xylitol) or ¼ cup Stevia in the Raw
- 2 egg whites
- 1 cup unsweetened almond milk (Almond Breeze)
- 1/3 cup or 1 4oz jar of baby food applesauce and ¼ cup low sugar vanilla yogurt (optional)
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 350. Spray an 8 X 8 inch Pyrex dish with non-stick spray.
- In small bowl combine: (set aside)
- 1/3 cup Ideal (Xylitol)
- 2 tsp cinnamon
- In a large bowl combine: (whisk together)
- 1 1/2 cups oat flour + 2 scoops vanilla whey protein
- 1 tbsp baking powder
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1/2 cup Ideal (Xylitol) or ¼ cup Stevia in the Raw
- In a medium bowl combine: (whisk together & add to lrg bowl)
- 2 egg whites
- 1 cup unsweetened almond milk (Almond Breeze)
- 1/3 cup or 1 4oz jar of baby food applesauce and ¼ cup low sugar vanilla yogurt (optional)
- Pour a shallow layer of batter into the loaf pan (about 1/4 of the batter).
- Sprinkle heavily with half of the cinnamon/sugar mixture. Repeat with remaining batter & cinnamon/sugar on top.
- Draw a knife through the batter to marble. Bake for 24 to 28 min. Let cool for 10 min. Bread will be dense.
Speaking of yoga, that was a total suprise this morning! I wanted to get in the groove of doing some activity before I went to the office in the morning...hence actually doing the cardio I am supposed to! Right now I teach two and a half hours of classes at the gym, so I count that as my cardio, even though it is light resistance training. I wanted to incorporate something different into my routine. I thought I was going to a class that involved some kind of weight training at the gym around the corner from my gym, but when I got there I realized that the Centurgy class was really a yoga/pilates class! Rather than booking it out of there, I decided that I mine as well try it while I was there...funny thing is, I LOVED IT! I think that this class is going to really help me center and relieve some of the stress I have been feeling lately about my body and my busy schedule. It is hard for me to keep everything together sometimes when I am working 60-70 hours per week. I cannot wait to take this on Thursday morning before work! As for my other session of cardio, I'm hoping to get a spin class in Friday morning too! All about the planning!
Tonight, Im going to rock Chisel class and Stability Ball and really bring back the enthusiasm that I feel towards fitness. The love that I have for this lifestyle is going to shine through! I can only anticipate all of the good things ahead of me rather than dwell on the negative stresses in my life lately. The alst few weeks, everything seems like a battle...from getting ready for Christmas, working two jobs, training and managing my weight, and just living life in general! Its time for a change! Its time for some positive! This is my last week of carbing up and "bulking" and then its time to start leaning out with a carb cycle next week! Im sure there will be more details to come! Its only Tuesday but this fire needs to be burning all week long! :)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Who Cares If I Eat Clean?
Sometimes for me, just one bad day is all it takes to toss good habits out of the window. Then I am left with the dreaded let down....All the negative thoughts fill my head....
"Today I forgot how to take care of myself and life feels awful" - x - Today, I felt unglued...without direction and lost" - x- "Today I wanted to eat everything bad and not feel a drop of guilt about it" - x- "Today every little thing felt less like 'little' and more like an enormous undertaking"
Staring down at the tub of ice cream in my hands, spoon poised for a nose dive deep into it, my past came out of nowhere, revisiting me with old messages of temptation: "whats one spoonful of ice cream? Who cares if I dont eat clean? Why bother? Nobody is looking anyway! Besides ice cream is delicious and I deserve it!" The more I stared at that ice cream, the further away I got from the discipline I normally carry in me and the harder it became to put the spoon down and walk away. It's easy to forget sometimes that I was once clinically overweight, with high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and my doctor nagging me to lose some weight and stop smoking. Pictures don't lie either. My old habits still haunt me when my guard is down. All it takes is a bad day!
As some of you may know, I recently started the transition from working 25-30 hours per week as a personal trainer to working double that once I was forced to find another job to supplement my income and provide me with the health benefits that were necessary. It has been a difficult and often stressful transition for me and trying to keep everything together in my daily life is often a daunting task. My mind races with the idea of which meals to pack and how many changes of clothes I am going to need to get me through my 12-16 hour work days. Most days, Though I have learned to adjust as the weeks go on, on particular days I feel my mood becoming dangerously black. With three jobs under my wing, some days the cards I am dealt are not the ones I had expected, and yet I still have to play them! The mistake I often found myself making was eating my meals in the midst of stressful situations, rather than taking a second or two to calm down and reassess what really was going on and how to deal with it. Even lettuce leaves and rice cakes can land like stones in your stomach during a difficult time!
A couple of weeks ago I was in the midst of a pretty disappointing day. The people around me that frustrated me didnt even make an attempt at an apology and I had worked hard to hide my frustrations with them. Things were not going the way I had planned at all, but I carried on with my day the best I could regardless. All day, I kept asking myself all sorts of questions..."Did I disappoint my mom?" "Would I have ever done that to my friends?" "Am I working hard enough?". Nothing stings worse than a let down, and boy, was I in the middle of a let down! I learned a long time ago to do more than what is expected of me, so that I dont become someone's big fat disappointment. I let everything get to me that day! As I drove home at the end of the day, the disappointment of the day ate at my stomach and by the time I pulled into the driveway, I was an absolute mess. My stomach was screaming at me, I was bloated and unpleasant...and to top it off I had a headache! That was all it took for me to skip my workout and dive right into the ice cream...followed by the cookies my mom had stashed in the basement and half of a jar of peanut butter. My best habits fell like a row of dominoes...one right after the other. My mood was no match for the neopolitan ice cream starting at me from the front of the freezer.
After every indulgence, there is always a price to pay. Halfway through that binge, I regained control. The ice cream went back into the freezer and the spoon landed in the sink. I went right up to my mother, who had just made a few choice comments that made me cry only a few hours before. I told her that I was disappointed and sad about what she said to me that day. I sent a message to a coworker who had neglected to do an important task they had promised me that caused me great stress. My friend who was supposed to bring me something to the gym and brought only excuses also got a piece of my mind. These people had let me down and there is nothing worse than a let down. They needed to know so they would understand how I felt and that I was upset. They also needed to know that I still loved them, even through the anger and disappointment of my day.
In my old life, I was never one to stand up for myself. I took every harsh word or action as if I deserved it. These days, I dont take it because if I own all of the negativity that comes with life, I make myself sick and binge....I dont need that any more. After talking to my mom and sending messages to my friend and coworker, I focosed on the good habits I had worked so hard to follow these last three years. They keep my head in the right place, these habits that others have come to expect from me.
...for u PB...
"Today I forgot how to take care of myself and life feels awful" - x - Today, I felt unglued...without direction and lost" - x- "Today I wanted to eat everything bad and not feel a drop of guilt about it" - x- "Today every little thing felt less like 'little' and more like an enormous undertaking"
Staring down at the tub of ice cream in my hands, spoon poised for a nose dive deep into it, my past came out of nowhere, revisiting me with old messages of temptation: "whats one spoonful of ice cream? Who cares if I dont eat clean? Why bother? Nobody is looking anyway! Besides ice cream is delicious and I deserve it!" The more I stared at that ice cream, the further away I got from the discipline I normally carry in me and the harder it became to put the spoon down and walk away. It's easy to forget sometimes that I was once clinically overweight, with high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and my doctor nagging me to lose some weight and stop smoking. Pictures don't lie either. My old habits still haunt me when my guard is down. All it takes is a bad day!
As some of you may know, I recently started the transition from working 25-30 hours per week as a personal trainer to working double that once I was forced to find another job to supplement my income and provide me with the health benefits that were necessary. It has been a difficult and often stressful transition for me and trying to keep everything together in my daily life is often a daunting task. My mind races with the idea of which meals to pack and how many changes of clothes I am going to need to get me through my 12-16 hour work days. Most days, Though I have learned to adjust as the weeks go on, on particular days I feel my mood becoming dangerously black. With three jobs under my wing, some days the cards I am dealt are not the ones I had expected, and yet I still have to play them! The mistake I often found myself making was eating my meals in the midst of stressful situations, rather than taking a second or two to calm down and reassess what really was going on and how to deal with it. Even lettuce leaves and rice cakes can land like stones in your stomach during a difficult time!
A couple of weeks ago I was in the midst of a pretty disappointing day. The people around me that frustrated me didnt even make an attempt at an apology and I had worked hard to hide my frustrations with them. Things were not going the way I had planned at all, but I carried on with my day the best I could regardless. All day, I kept asking myself all sorts of questions..."Did I disappoint my mom?" "Would I have ever done that to my friends?" "Am I working hard enough?". Nothing stings worse than a let down, and boy, was I in the middle of a let down! I learned a long time ago to do more than what is expected of me, so that I dont become someone's big fat disappointment. I let everything get to me that day! As I drove home at the end of the day, the disappointment of the day ate at my stomach and by the time I pulled into the driveway, I was an absolute mess. My stomach was screaming at me, I was bloated and unpleasant...and to top it off I had a headache! That was all it took for me to skip my workout and dive right into the ice cream...followed by the cookies my mom had stashed in the basement and half of a jar of peanut butter. My best habits fell like a row of dominoes...one right after the other. My mood was no match for the neopolitan ice cream starting at me from the front of the freezer.
After every indulgence, there is always a price to pay. Halfway through that binge, I regained control. The ice cream went back into the freezer and the spoon landed in the sink. I went right up to my mother, who had just made a few choice comments that made me cry only a few hours before. I told her that I was disappointed and sad about what she said to me that day. I sent a message to a coworker who had neglected to do an important task they had promised me that caused me great stress. My friend who was supposed to bring me something to the gym and brought only excuses also got a piece of my mind. These people had let me down and there is nothing worse than a let down. They needed to know so they would understand how I felt and that I was upset. They also needed to know that I still loved them, even through the anger and disappointment of my day.
In my old life, I was never one to stand up for myself. I took every harsh word or action as if I deserved it. These days, I dont take it because if I own all of the negativity that comes with life, I make myself sick and binge....I dont need that any more. After talking to my mom and sending messages to my friend and coworker, I focosed on the good habits I had worked so hard to follow these last three years. They keep my head in the right place, these habits that others have come to expect from me.
...for u PB...
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
It's Time to Shine
My goodness we can be tough on ourselves! We are definately our own worst critic, and when it comes to being paid a compliment, why can't we just graciously say thank you? My prime fitness example is this: I'm working out in the gym. One of my friends remarks how nicely my biceps are coming along. So what's the first thing I say? It's definately not "thank you!, "I know", or "I've found a new routine that really makes them pop". Instead it's " but look at how jiggly my triceps are". We are all guilty of pinpointing our own flaws. From now on, do your best to admire and appreciate all of your wonderful qualities!
Why do we do this? My whole life I have had a tough time receiving compliments. Instead, how about focusing on the things that you love most? How about reminiscing about times when you felt you were really coming along with your efforts in the gym? I'll start it off...a few years back, I was so happy when I could do three sets of push ups. Sure my arms were completely shaking by the time I got to the 12th rep, but wow, what a feeling!
Why do we do this? My whole life I have had a tough time receiving compliments. Instead, how about focusing on the things that you love most? How about reminiscing about times when you felt you were really coming along with your efforts in the gym? I'll start it off...a few years back, I was so happy when I could do three sets of push ups. Sure my arms were completely shaking by the time I got to the 12th rep, but wow, what a feeling!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Feel Good About Yourself!
Many of us have issues when it comes to looking and feeling our best, from how to lose those last ten pounds to the best way to fit into a wedding dress this summer. And you know what?! It may be hard to believe, but a lot of it comes down to how you feel about yourself! I do know that as excess weight is lost, one's self-esteem tends to rise dramatically! Even if you feel badly about yourself, here's a way to improve your standing and sitting posture: hold your head up high and act like you are happy and proud! Even force a smile! These physical changes, though fake, can alter your mood and ultimately improve your self-esteem. Then decide to make small steps to get to a larger goal- start slowly and stick to it!
The question of motivation is always cropping up. My answer has often been "Get mad by looking at your naked mirror image and tell yourself "this won't do!". Then use some incentive to keep to your diet and training- an upcoming school reunion, a wedding invitation, the beach, a new relationship, getting into your bikini and shocking your friends and family with your new body!
Maybe my motivation method is too harsh and can contribute to lowering one's self-esteem. This is not my intention. But i have learned over the years taht people often need a swift kick in the butt to recognize what is going on with their bodies!!!
The question of motivation is always cropping up. My answer has often been "Get mad by looking at your naked mirror image and tell yourself "this won't do!". Then use some incentive to keep to your diet and training- an upcoming school reunion, a wedding invitation, the beach, a new relationship, getting into your bikini and shocking your friends and family with your new body!
Maybe my motivation method is too harsh and can contribute to lowering one's self-esteem. This is not my intention. But i have learned over the years taht people often need a swift kick in the butt to recognize what is going on with their bodies!!!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Hey There, Crap Pusher!!!
Were u trying to push someone who has taken on the challenge of a fitness goal, into eating some crap? This person has set out on a mission to get herself in the best shape of her life. This requires eating some food that doesn't taste as great as what u r offering and it is very difficult and challenging to say no. It is a very very difficult sacrifice to make in giving up all the more delicious tasting foods in pursuit of a fit body and it becomes even more difficult when people like u constantly question what she is eating and and keep offering her more crappy food to eat. The crappy food ur offering may taste so delicious but the very sad and unfortunate truth is that it makes r bodies look like total shit. I wish it weren’t the case, but it is true.
Even if this person doesn’t need to lose any weight, the crappy food will STILL make her body look like shit so its not only about gaining or losing weight. Here is a person trying to accomplish a very difficult goal of getting and staying in great shape, and u come along and try to throw her off course. How about giving her a little support instead ?
If you want to eat crap go right ahead... we all make our own choices but there is no need to try n drag others down with you. Or maybe u just don’t realize that eating crap makes u look like crap (many people don’t know that) and u think it is just genetics or aging that causes us to have dangling lard all over r bodies? It doesn’t have to be that way. Start eating right as well, and u will soon see how nice u will start to look n feel n u will see that it is worth giving up the crap. There is no doubt that it SUCKS saying no all the time to the pizzas, the cookies, the cakes, the ice cream and such. It really does SUCK.
As delicious as all the crappy foods can be, they don’t come close to being as fun as it is to walk around in a lean, hard, tight body and look good in any piece of clothing. The right food will give u this look n feeling…foods such as plain chicken, oatmeal, fish, and vegetables. It’s a hard pill to swallow in giving up all the goodies but once u accept the facts u can make the best of it. How would you like to go clothes shopping and have everything look good on you? It is completely possible if ull stop eating all the crap and make the right choices each day.
So there you have it. That is why you were reported as a “crap pusher”. Eating right and exercising is very hard work but very worthwhile mission and u are welcome to join in on the fun! If u don’t want to, no big deal but please stop pushing the crap on others and just keep it to yourself ;)
Even if this person doesn’t need to lose any weight, the crappy food will STILL make her body look like shit so its not only about gaining or losing weight. Here is a person trying to accomplish a very difficult goal of getting and staying in great shape, and u come along and try to throw her off course. How about giving her a little support instead ?
If you want to eat crap go right ahead... we all make our own choices but there is no need to try n drag others down with you. Or maybe u just don’t realize that eating crap makes u look like crap (many people don’t know that) and u think it is just genetics or aging that causes us to have dangling lard all over r bodies? It doesn’t have to be that way. Start eating right as well, and u will soon see how nice u will start to look n feel n u will see that it is worth giving up the crap. There is no doubt that it SUCKS saying no all the time to the pizzas, the cookies, the cakes, the ice cream and such. It really does SUCK.
As delicious as all the crappy foods can be, they don’t come close to being as fun as it is to walk around in a lean, hard, tight body and look good in any piece of clothing. The right food will give u this look n feeling…foods such as plain chicken, oatmeal, fish, and vegetables. It’s a hard pill to swallow in giving up all the goodies but once u accept the facts u can make the best of it. How would you like to go clothes shopping and have everything look good on you? It is completely possible if ull stop eating all the crap and make the right choices each day.
So there you have it. That is why you were reported as a “crap pusher”. Eating right and exercising is very hard work but very worthwhile mission and u are welcome to join in on the fun! If u don’t want to, no big deal but please stop pushing the crap on others and just keep it to yourself ;)
Alchemy Is Not Supposed To Be Easy
Alchemy: a power or process of transforming something common into something special. U think this fitness thing is simple stuff. U flip thru a magazine n think, "yup, i can do this". Flat stomach, check! Hamstrings, check! Toned arms n poppin delt caps, double check! Training with weights several times a week, no sweat! Cardio a few times per week, thats a cinch! Eating clean six times per day, any one can do that! Who says this training stuff is hard? N then along comes a little something called life...n BAM! Everything u thought was so easy is now radically different. It becomes a challenge to get urself out of ur rut n into the arms of ur nearest personal trainer.
I love the idea that life is simple stuff until u run into trouble. When trouble hits, ahhh, now that is the test of a real woman. How does a girl keep it all together when the world is falling down around her? This is where I sit up n pay attention. Women who have overcome much to get to their place in the world have a lot to teach us n I for one want to learn. I read the books n i get the notebook out. I highlight parts where she made it over the moutain. I write notes to myself. I blow my nose and cry right along with her through the worst experience one might imagine. I become inspired to do better just like they have. I make up my mind to transform my lump of coal into diamonds, perfoming alchemy to accomplish that magic.
In case u think that I have had it too easy, now is the time I wud like to come clean with you. Most of u already know that I was once considered overweight, carrying around a lot of extra weight that was the result of not taking care of myself and spending too much time partying in college. Throughout college, I had no clue what I wanted from life. I decided to please everyone else and be a good girl so that no one wud b mad at me n everyone wud like me. After years of that, I realized it just wasnt working. How did I figure it out? Well, I had some help from good friends, but mostly I had to turn down the volume and listen to my heart even if that meant facing the worst of times.
Eventually, I saw the light and my desire to do better for myself led me to make drastic changes. Little by little, I polished my dirty lump of coal. The test of a real woman comes when life is challenging. Listening to my heart by living in the moments of loneliness and sadness, I discovered my lost interests. Discovering the truth about myself landed me in the gym. The lessons I learned in the gym about discipline, dedication, persistence, and courage live on in me today. I depend on these values to get me through each and every day because I know first hand how much they contribute to my well being and even to my own understanding of myself.
As the years that went by the lump of coal that I was- unhappy, frumpy- I became something much more. As I set about making these changes, my crusty, unhappy, flabby bits were exchanged for happiness and smiles, laughter and a fit body. The coal had become a diamond. The alchemy was complete. Living life without following ur dreams is a life without purpose or passion. Having the desire to follow ur dreams, regardless of how difficult the path, may guarantee u success even though the journey may be paved with obstacles. When we strive to become better than we are everything around us becomes better too. I wish the same for you...
I love the idea that life is simple stuff until u run into trouble. When trouble hits, ahhh, now that is the test of a real woman. How does a girl keep it all together when the world is falling down around her? This is where I sit up n pay attention. Women who have overcome much to get to their place in the world have a lot to teach us n I for one want to learn. I read the books n i get the notebook out. I highlight parts where she made it over the moutain. I write notes to myself. I blow my nose and cry right along with her through the worst experience one might imagine. I become inspired to do better just like they have. I make up my mind to transform my lump of coal into diamonds, perfoming alchemy to accomplish that magic.
In case u think that I have had it too easy, now is the time I wud like to come clean with you. Most of u already know that I was once considered overweight, carrying around a lot of extra weight that was the result of not taking care of myself and spending too much time partying in college. Throughout college, I had no clue what I wanted from life. I decided to please everyone else and be a good girl so that no one wud b mad at me n everyone wud like me. After years of that, I realized it just wasnt working. How did I figure it out? Well, I had some help from good friends, but mostly I had to turn down the volume and listen to my heart even if that meant facing the worst of times.
Eventually, I saw the light and my desire to do better for myself led me to make drastic changes. Little by little, I polished my dirty lump of coal. The test of a real woman comes when life is challenging. Listening to my heart by living in the moments of loneliness and sadness, I discovered my lost interests. Discovering the truth about myself landed me in the gym. The lessons I learned in the gym about discipline, dedication, persistence, and courage live on in me today. I depend on these values to get me through each and every day because I know first hand how much they contribute to my well being and even to my own understanding of myself.
As the years that went by the lump of coal that I was- unhappy, frumpy- I became something much more. As I set about making these changes, my crusty, unhappy, flabby bits were exchanged for happiness and smiles, laughter and a fit body. The coal had become a diamond. The alchemy was complete. Living life without following ur dreams is a life without purpose or passion. Having the desire to follow ur dreams, regardless of how difficult the path, may guarantee u success even though the journey may be paved with obstacles. When we strive to become better than we are everything around us becomes better too. I wish the same for you...
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