Not again...

This weekend, I disappointed myself and I feel guilty (not to mention sick to my stomach) today because of it.  The hours of working out, tracking my calories and macronutrients faithfully...all of that went downhill on Friday night when my boyfriend took me through McDonalds drive thru after midnight.  That was the first time all week when I was so hungry that I felt like I deserved to eat whatever I wanted.  I had a set of apple dippers with caramel sauce and a mini apple and walnut salad (not to mention the bowl of oats, protein, and peanut butter that I had too).  I really wish that had planned better before we headed out the door to the movies.  I had eaten dinner at 6pm and when we planned on stopping for something to eat before the three hour movie, the restaurant of our choosing was chosed...seven hours with no food left me ravanous!  Im sure you are thinking that the food that I ate wasnt that bad, and you are probably right.  But it was so off of my meal plan that I just let myself to the wind after that. 
Saturday night there were Christmas cookies, hard cider, cheesey mashed potatoes, black forest cake, and lots of chocolate!!  Sunday...Christmas breakfast and dinner...pulled pork, more mashed potatoes, more cookies, more wine!  I felt like I was losing control all because of the food around me.  Today, I am so sick from the amount of food and the choices that I made.  I am not only physically full, but I am full of regret too.  I told myself all week that I was not goign to do this, and then it happened...tenfold.  I guess I was slightly prepared for the worse, but i hate that FEELING! I HATE IT!  It makes me so angry to feel that food has that much control over my life and emotions.  I hate feeling tired, bloated, and angry at myself today.  I have a headache and I feel hungover. 

I guess there is only one thing to do...move forward!  Thats the only place to go.  Ill try, again, just like always....I hope someday there isnt a try, but an actually success.  Today, I am hoping for a great chest and back workout and maybe even some cardio.  I feel drained and miserable, but maybe a good lift will turn me around (and some great new tunes from my Ipod).  One day there will be an end to this battle of food that I have within myself and I will develop a healthy relationship with the very thing that keeps me alive.This Christmas I gave myself the gift of self respect and freedom from this food addiction that I have ...

Here goes nothin ;)